


Holding It In

by skipperafterdark



Series: tummy insecurities [2]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Body Image, Chubby Dan Howell, Insecure Phil, Insecurity, M/M, unimportant but he Is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-10
Updated: 2018-07-10
Packaged: 2019-06-08 10:51:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15241776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skipperafterdark/pseuds/skipperafterdark
Summary: alternatively titled, “skipper projected onto pnd again”Ph!l doesn’t like the little pooch he has on his lower middle. So, he starts sucking it in. D@n finds out.This is a mashup of my own feelings, a fabricated story of why ph!l started feeling so insecure, and what I wish I had. lol. This is kind of a follow up to my last insecure!phil ficlet, but they don’t necessarily go hand-in-hand. it’s just my projecting onto him whoopsAlso note that in this, pnd are in a feeder/feedee relationship. It’s  really not important to this story, it just Is. anyway. Enjoy?





	Holding It In

**Author's Note:**

> P.S. this shit is unedited and the majority of it was written after midnight

Blue-eyed. Raven-haired. Very tall. Bright smile.

These were all things Phil Lester was known for. He didn’t mind them. There was simply nothing negative about these physical attributes.

He wasn’t usually one to dwell on his appearance, anyway. But…

Recently, some old pictures of him had resurfaced. Photos from when he was younger, less popular - therefore caring less what pictures were taken of him. It just so happened that there were quite a few of him shirtless. Specifically, there were a few from the Jamaica trip of 2010, where and when he frequently wore just swim trunks. These, and some even rarer ones, were traversing the net. It was cute at first - they were some of the oldest pictures of he and Dan together. Dan was so thin then - compared to now, anyway. He saw the photos over Phil’s shoulder one day, joked about how far he’d come while pressing Phil’s hand to his belly, and then left it at that.

People were sharing them, reposting them, and worst of all, talking about them. Well, not Dan. Dan was very open his weight, without giving away his being a feedee, and people supported his positivity. Aside from the stray rude remarks of how good they thought he used to look, there wasn’t really anything.

Phil’s problem was that that left him in the spotlight. No matter the comment, positive or negative, they all focused on the same area: his tummy. He’d seen one response saying that if it hadn’t been for these pictures, they wouldn’t have noticed the pudge Phil had now.

The found photos didn’t mean anything to him. At first, anyway.

Once, on his way to the shower, the mirror caught his eye. Sure enough, he had a bit of a pooch.

Another time, as he was getting dressed for the day, he checked his reflection. He hadn’t meant to stare so long. He had just… never noticed it had such a curve before.

Later still, after a particularly filling dinner, he registered - for what was very likely the first time - the way his stomach bloated outward, his shirt stretching around him just that bit.

It wasn’t long after that third occasion that he started sucking in his tummy. Phil really didn’t start doing it consciously. It just started to happen, and then kept happening, without him realizing it.

The few times he did register the action, he didn’t loosen the muscles.

He grew to hate the softness on his abdomen. It had become commonplace for the fans to comment on his ‘roundness’ or ‘squish.’ He hated it. He wanted it to go away - it being both the talk and the chub - but there was nothing he could do to get rid of it. With his schedule and habits, there was no way an exercise routine would help, even if it lasted more than a few days. And dieting wouldn’t work - it wasn’t real fat, and he knew it, it was just baby pudge.

But he didn’t despise it any less.

This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. Dan was the bigger one. They both liked it that way. Phil loved Dan’s figure, adored it. He didn’t see anything wrong with larger people in general, either. But- on him? It was-

Well, he… He didn’t really know why he disliked the pudge so much. All he knew was that he wouldn’t be warming up to it anytime soon. So, he continued to hold in his middle.

It went on until one day Dan poked his head in the bedroom and found Phil shirtless in front of the mirror, studying the differences between his natural tummy and the held-in one.

“Phil?”

He seized up at the sound, instinctively throwing his arms over his abdomen. He didn’t want to turn around, or even reply, so he chose to study the carpeted floor.

“Hey,” Dan said softly. His voice was closer now. “It’s just me. You don’t have to hide.”

Phil still didn’t say anything. He didn’t _know_ what to say. But he gave Dan a glance over his shoulder, then moved to sit down on the bed.

“Please let your arms down. You don’t need to hide around me.”

“But it looks so out of place,” he muttered, just loud enough for Dan to hear.

“Phil, I promise it doesn’t. Even if it did, you know I still wouldn’t care.”

”...Fine.” His hands rested on his thighs, elbows still tucked to his sides, but his middle was exposed. This time he could feel how tight he was holding it in.

“Is this about those old photos?” Dan asked, taking a step toward the bed.

He still didn’t look up. “How did you know?”

“I see what happens on the internet. Crosses my notifications sometimes.”

“Mm.”

“They’re mostly positive, you know.” Another step forward. “And they put the assholes back in their places.”

Well, yeah. That was how their fan base worked, he thought to himself. “But it…”

“You can talk to me. I want to help.”

Finally, he met Dan’s eyes. “It still affects me. How can I not notice, with all these people pointing it out? I… I feel weird. You, you’re the- N-never mind. It’s just, this,” he gestured at his tum, “has been around since then.”

“Oh, Phil… You’re not weird. It’s natural to have a little pooch. Healthy, even.”

He couldn’t do anything but sigh. Suddenly he really wanted Dan next to him.

Ever the mind reader, Dan came closer to the bed. His hand rested on the corner of the footboard. “And you know I love the way you look. I always will.”

“Yeah..?”

“Of course, you spoon. Til the day I die.” He moved around and sat down on the bed, the mattress sinking under his weight. Phil tipped toward Dan, and he couldn’t help but giggle as he was pulled into a bear hug.

This was the best. Being held by Dan was soft, and safe, and Phil could almost relax right then and there. Almost.

“Oh, but Phil.”

“Hm?”

“I’m sorry, but you really need to stop holding it in. It’s not healthy.”

“But I-”

“Love, it’s bad for your posture and your breathing. It weakens the abdominals, too. And if you need it, I’ll find proof for you.”

His shoulders slumped, and he buried his face into Dan.

“If not for you, then for me. Please try to be healthy for me.”

“...I’ll try.”

“Thank you. I love you, you know.”

“Me too.”

And they sat there for a while, Dan holding Phil close.

He could do this. At least for Dan.


End file.
